Chapter 5 - Important notes for YOU as a TG dad or mom

   You know I never saw this coming in a million years. All my feelings against my dad were buried so deep there is no way I could of foreseen it. As I got older the one thing I can relate to you is no matter when you decide to come out, consider these things;

     First of all, your duty is to your kids, If you don't have kids then great, you should come out ASAP so as not too waste your significant others time but if you have kids, you need to make sure you (and this is the most important one) don't ever make it about you! I know your feelings need to be addressed too but you got yourself in this family and if you want the best result than this isn't going to just be quick. "oh well I'll just drop my family like that". Say that to yourself! Imagine if your dad or mom did that to you! How do you think you would feel? and then add the fact that these are kids, they don't understand why you're doing that to them and it takes years for them to figure out why. "how could my dad or mom just leave us like that". I cant tell you how many times I thought about that.

       Maybe that had an effect on how I look at TG. I mean my experience is that, it ripped my family apart and turned my dad into a person who is full of hate on everybody, cold, callous and just non empathetic. As I sit here now its Nov 19 2013 and I'm listing to Ray Charles - The Sprite Of Christmas, I can think back to some Christmas where good times were had, but I cannot remember my dad on Christmas at all. Sometimes when people try to force things on others they get upset cause you tried to take control of them. In family there is no one person in control, Family has structure and limits and boundaries and needs compassionate smart parents who are willing to put the kids before anything else. Everyone has a role in a healthy family. You cant just start taking things away cause it suits you best and not expect something to happen.

      I remember when my dad told me about his story he brought the bible into to it. I remember being smart enough to know that was wrong at the time. I didn't know that my opinion on it would change but at the time I thought the bible forbid it, and it does forbid it but the thing is god said tho shall not judge. I'm not him, I don't know what he went thru to make him convinced it was the right thing to do, but now I don't think that way anymore no. I know exactly why I was so mad, our dad walked out on us, not just me and my sister but my mom too. Her health went down and she got sick and my mom was poor so we didn't have as full of a life after that point. We didn't miss out on much at the same time, my mom went without sometimes for me and my sister but I just didn't think it was fair.

     I can remember we went on vacation a few times when we were kids and my mom and dad and my sister and I would have so much fun, those are times I can remember clear as a bell. After my mom and dad split up and as a result of my moms declining health I felt like I didn't have a bond with my mom or dad anymore. I felt alone, I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone so I did drugs for a couple years. I wasn't one of those kids of drug addicts that would go for months on end tho, I never took needles and I snorted or smoked everything. Even a few years before my mom passed away I begged her to do things with me but she always said she was too sick and I believed her but I resented my dad for alot of it.

     When I think back to the divorce and around that time I remember it being alot about him too. You know as adults its funny I think we only remember so much about people in our life. If you fill you kids memories with bad things, as he or she gets older they will start to forget the good and only remember the bad about you, that's not to say its too late to shape up your act but this is how I feel. I remember more bad about my dad, I remember 4 good memories with my dad and 2 he was just in the memory not actually part of it, I can just remember him being there. The other 2 memories where times I felt a bond building with him, These where always short lived and pretty much ended as soon as I got the belt to my ass again or when he finally moved out after the divorce.

 

Old Family Photo

 All in all I think its important to remember that the best time to come out is after your kids are 19 but if you cant wait, you have better be ready for what is going to happen. I'm not saying everyone's family is going to act the same way but if you come out as "me me me" then your going to leave with nothing but yourself. "me me me" doesn't leave any room for understanding or family, it's all about you. anyway this blog is done, if you have any questions email me @ shaun_1982@Hotmail.com Thanks, Shaun Senechal :) PS anyone wanna correct my grammar ill email you the post and you can fix it for me? :)